I know I’ve been posting a lot about being yourself and finding your own happiness and while I haven’t really revealed the real reason why I am writing these posts I finally feel comfortable about sharing these thoughts with you. For a long time I was hoping maybe we could patch things up. For a long time I was thinking maybe one more try and everything would be ok. But as time goes on the sun is setting on that dream. How much time do you need. Is this ever going to happen anyway? Sometimes it’s better to walk away with you dignity. Sometimes you have to care for your own heart. Sometimes you just have to put yourself first. To love someone unconditionally and know that they don’t feel the same is only going to eat you from the inside out. If someone really cares about you they won’t think twice. If someone wants to be with you they will find a way to be with you. Enough excuses enough jibber jabber it’s crunch time. Do you know the worst thing about this whole situation it’s been 5 months of going around in circles. I take one step forward and five steps back. You want something so badly. You’re willing to do anything for that someone. But your everything isn’t enough. It quite honestly is the worst feeling in the world. For the past few months it’s like a part of me is missing. The more I try and continue the more I miss what we had. Where is my happy ending? This love was a love that wasn’t supposed to begin. But this is the only true love I know. Yes I’ve had relationships before and thought that I was in love but nothing equates to this. I’m not sure if anything ever will. I could spend the next 6 years of my life wishing things were different, hoping you would change, dreaming of a better day. The truth of the matter is you’re not going to change. You are set in your ways and it’s time I learned to live without you again. I did it before and there is nothing stopping me from doing it again. The sad thing is I was hoping maybe we could just be friends, but it doesn’t look like that’s on the cards either. Hurt, a pain you’ve never felt before. A pain you wouldn’t even wish upon your worst enemy. An energy that builds inside you and at any given moment it becomes unbearable. The silliest things like a plane in the sky, the fragrance you wore or the tshirt I brought when we were on holiday together. They all seem like minuscule things and maybe they are but they are the only connection I have with you and I’m not willing to give that up just yet. Yesterday’s daydreams haunting you as you try and continue on your way. Why is the human heart so complex. It’s a question I have been asking myself for a long time. Putting this simply it’s the right person at the wrong time. Unfortunately in this life timing is everything and well we don’t have much of it so we have to make the most of how much we do have.
Now how do you deal with this situation? Well I am glad you asked. It is important you allow yourself time to think about what is going on. There is no need to rush into anything. You don’t need to be with someone to feel complete. You don’t need a relationship to function in society. While your relationship was good while it lasted there is a reason why it didn’t work out. Someone made a mistake, the timing wasn’t right or maybe you just grew apart. That is the tricky part of being in a relationship. You never really know what is going on with the other person. Maybe in the right relationship this isn’t a problem (well that is what I am hoping anyway). In the meantime keep your friends close, keep your family closer. They are the ones who are going to be there for you. They are the ones who will support you. When you fall to your knees and you feel as though you can’t take the pain any longer their support will get you through. Days come and days go some will be easier than others. Some will seem unbearable and that’s ok. Allow yourself the time to process those thoughts and feelings. Life is a work in progress you’re not complete you might not ever feel truly complete and that’s ok too. In life there is always going to be someone better than you, there is always going to be someone more successful than you there will be someone who has done more than you. That is a natural part of life. The minute you are the best at everything your life becomes irrelevant anyway. As long as you are taking each day as it comes and enjoying every moment you possibly can then you’re in a good place. A better place than most in fact.
Today I realised. I’ve spent so much time and energy doing what’s right for the wrong person. I can’t wait to see what it’s like doing the right thing for the right person.