I spent the first 24 years of my life afraid of being lonely. I had one dream. I wanted to meet the love of my life. I wanted that fairytale life where you fall madly in love and live happily ever after.
The past few months have been the happiest of my life and it isn’t until now that I have realised why. I had been looking to put my worth in someone else. I had been wanting to make someone else happy. I was looking to other people for re-assurance. I know it sounds weird. Most people see nothing but confidence but truth be told I can be a goof on camera but in terms of life I am so insecure it drives me a bit insane. I think the best people in life are a bit insane so I am just going to embrace it. I think this whole thing started a long time before I realised it was a thing. I have always wanted a family. I love being around people, I never really liked spending time on my own. To avoid being lonely I would arrange my time so I would literally have someone around at all times. It’s only recently that I have started spending time on my own. At first I hated it. Thoughts would just go round and round in my head and the more I would think the more anxious I would feel. The more time I have spent on my own the more I have begun to realise how great it is. Freedom is a beautiful feeling. Do what you want, when you want to do it. Don’t get me wrong I still have my friends and I care a lot about them but it’s nice to just be free.
I used to freak out about going to the mall by myself or going to the gym even just going for a walk down the street. I don’t even know what it was. If I left the house it was always with someone. I got into a really negative cycle of going from relationship to relationship trying to find that special person. I was putting so much pressure on myself and on the relationship to make things work. I’ve had a couple of relationships where to begin with everything was great but down the track things took a turn for the worse. Nothing terrible just in hindsight I should have just walked away and allowed that chapter to close. I was young, naive and as described by both of these people “immature.” At first it really got to me. I would think how am I immature, why do they think that. Now I realise their judgment of me doesn’t actually matter. Someone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t ever say something like that. Relationships aren’t all rainbows and butterflies but they do require respect, compassion and communication among many other things.
If you are experiencing a difficult time in your relationship at the moment I want you to ask yourself are you really in love or are you just scared to be lonely. Is this relationship healthy or is it just familiar? If you’ve been broken up a while and you’re wondering if you should get back together, is it a good idea or are you just lonely. That’s the hardest thing about relationships. There sometimes isn’t a definitive answer. Love is the most beautiful wonderful feelings but sometimes you have to take care of yourself. You’ve only got one heart. Don’t put your heart through months of pain. The honest truth is that people don’t change. History will just repeat itself. If things don’t work out for what ever reason, things aren’t supposed to work out. If someone cares about you they will never make you second guess yourself. They will never make you feel like you’re not good enough. The person you love will never make you feel like an object. You are their choice. You are their number one. Life isn’t perfect relationships definitely aren’t perfect, mistakes happen, you’ve got the option to forgive and forget. Like a lot of things in life relationships take time they require hard work, communication, commitment and most importantly trust. If any of these things are missing you need to be real with yourself. At the end of the day you are the only person who knows how you feel. In all areas of life honesty is the best policy. You need to tell this person how you’re truly feeling. Let your guard down. Don’t be afraid to lose them. What is meant to be will be. It might not happen now or even in the next 5 years but the universe will bring you back together if that is what is mean’t to be. In the meantime focus on yourself. Those dreams you wanted to share with your significant other are now your own dreams. You’ve got more time and energy to focus your efforts on making them happen. You hold the key to your future. Only you can decide to make a change. Only you can make those dreams a reality.
Next time you’re feeling uncomfortable I want you to listen to this song. The track is ‘Scared To Be Lonely’ it’s by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa “Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight, cause we’re scared to be lonely?” this lyric stood out to me so much. Don’t be scared to be lonely. Do the things that scare you the most on your own. See how strong you feel. Imagine what you’re capable of. Be proud of your success, not because you’re working to impress someone else but because you deserve all the success you work for. No one in this life is going to make your dreams happen. No one can make your life worthwhile. You need to find what makes you happy and go from there. Enjoy life, it won’t last forever but you can make it count.