Right now I am sitting on a plane 30,000 feet above Japan. Not really a relevant part of this story I am just trying to give you context because right now I feel so in tune with myself but I am so far out of my comfort zone but this is the closest I have been with myself in a long time. That sounds weird when I read it back but it made sense in my head. I guess partially this is the doing of Lilly Singh but Sorry Lilly I can’t give you all of the credit it was mostly my own mind that has figured this out. More context for this story. The last time I read a book by personal choice was at least 14 years ago when I read Harry Potter, I read the first and second books and got 5 chapters into the third book before I gave up and just watched the movies because that was easier. Anyway I am 17 chapters into this book (I only started reading it today) yes I am on a plane so have more spare time than usual but it’s really got me thinking.
I have been extremely lucky in every area of life. I have had some pretty incredible experiences and am thankful for all of those experiences. But like anyone else my life hasn’t ever been easy. When I was younger I quite often gave up on things. I tried numerous sports but gave them up when I wasn’t any good. I played various instruments again giving them up because I wasn’t very good. In hindsight it wasn’t the fact that I wasn’t very good it was more the fact that I was telling myself I wasn’t very good. I am so quick to tell myself I am not good at something. Putting yourself down isn’t going help anyone. It isn’t a healthy way to live life. Recently those thoughts have been slipping back into my mind and just now I realised how dangerous that is. I haven’t spent my entire life working towards doing a radio show to throw it all away now because it’s getting hard. I’m sick of making excuses. I am sick of making mistakes and doing a show that is mediocre. It’s crunch time. It’s time to forget the past, it’s time to focus on the future and plan how to make each and every show the best that I can do.
Heart break shouldn’t have anything to do with a radio show should it? Well I would hope not but the truth of the matter is it does. My heart has been broken time and time again, yeah I have probably broken hearts along the way too. (Never intentionally) but that is no excuse. I pride myself on being fun, I want to be that escape from the real world for the people who listen to my show. I might look like a complete dweeb in our snapchat stories but I’m a human and no human looks good 100% of the time. Think Kim Kardashian cry face… even the lady who has made a career out of looking good has moments of not looking so good. Anyway my point is that the radio studio used to be my happy place. There are some days I dread having to do the show. For what ever reason I feel sad. Sad because I feel lonely, sad because the previous show didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I feel sad that I can’t always be myself 100% then I ask myself why can’t I? In the world where social media is a thing and people aren’t afraid to tell you their thoughts while hiding behind a keyboard it can be daunting to be yourself. I have weird little quirks and to some people I might be annoying. The thing you must remember is that you’re never going to please everyone. Not every person in this world is going to like you. It’s ok if people don’t like you. It’s best that people don’t like you for who you are rather than liking you for someone you are not. Remind yourself there is a reason why you do what you do. For me there is a reason I have a show. There is a reason they want me to get on the air and talk about music every night. I sometimes psych myself out by thinking that my life isn’t very interesting or that I am boring to listen to. Those negative thoughts that creep their way into your life aren’t going to help you achieve your goals. It’s not going to help you get the most from your life and in my case it isn’t going to help my show.
I have spent so long trying to understand my mental state I haven’t really been living life. I have been so focused on trying to understand my thoughts and getting out of this negative place that I have lost the sparkle. I have lost my desire to be creative which is one of the things I most enjoy in life. I love creating content. I love pushing the boundaries and communicating one to one with people. Reading Lilly Singh’s book has opened my mind to a new mentality. Stop saying that you’re not good enough. Stop looking to other people for validation. Admit when you’re wrong. Take responsibility for your actions and above everything else be prepared. Remember how good it feels when you’re well prepared and something goes well. A few extra minutes or hours preparing is worth the feeling of success when something goes well. You can’t ever be too prepared.
To be the best that you can be sometimes requires difficult decisions. It might be a gamble but sometimes it’s what you need to proceed in the right direction. If things don’t work out know it’s not the end, sometimes your path changes directions when you least expect it to. Everything will work out. You will however have to work for it. No such thing as a free lunch.
I am so excited to have some time off, some me time. Time to gather my thoughts. Time to set goals. Time to get organised. Time to line up the ducks and when I return to Auckland ensure that I have the tools and the energy to make each day better than the last. To ensure that each show is more entertaining, more informative, has better guests and better prizes than the previous show.
When setting goals make sure they are achievable make sure there is a way for you to go over your goal and see that you have achieved what you set out to do.
Here are my goals:
- Be more prepared. (Spend more time prepping interviews and shows. Know the topics in and out.)
- Focus. (Before going live ensure you’re going to click the right buttons.)
- If you say you’re going to do something do it. (I’m tired isn’t an excuse).
- Watch more interviews. (get those creative ideas flowing).
- Blog more, keep to uploading once a week on YouTube.
- Stop worrying about how you’re feeling it will allow you more time to enjoy the moment.
If you’ve made it through this blog thanks for sticking by me. I’m sorry it’s a bit me, me, me but I guess reflection is a very important part of progress. I hoping my reflection can help spark some thoughts with your own situation I’m hoping it enables you to make positive change in your own life.