I believe that everybody deserves respect but I don’t understand how you can expect respect when you can’t respect someone else. On of the things that annoys me more than anything else is people that are judgemental. It drives me insane. Just because I look a certain way or dress the way I do it doesn’t actually mean anything. You can look at me and make your conclusion about me but you will never understand how big my heart is or the way my brain works.
I wear my heart on my sleeve the only issue with that is how exposed my heart is. I have to be very careful who I interact with particular people rub me up the wrong way when this happens I really struggle for the rest of the day. Recently I found myself in a situation where from the moment I walked into the room I knew I was being judged. This person was riding on every word I said waiting for me to make a mistake. They judged everything about me from the way I looked to what I was wearing. I know what you’re thinking Cam you are over reacting in the most epic way. Unfortunately I am not. I want to give specific examples but at the same time I don’t really want to name and shame this person because I know they need more love than I do. The only thing that frustrates me is the fact that I can’t continue with my day. I think about every little interaction we had. I think about why they make me feel the way I do. I feel this guilt. I feel a guilt for being born into my situation. I feel a guilt for having a reasonably easy life. But mostly I feel angry the someone else has the ability to make me feel that way. Life is about relativity. I didn’t choose the family I was born into. I didn’t pay my way into my job, I worked hard. There was a time where I was working 16+ hours every day. There has been times I’ve been paid below minimum wage. I didn’t just wake up one day and have everything handed to me on a silver platter. I know there are other people who have it worse than me. I know there are some people that no matter how hard they work they just can’t get ahead. If there was more that I could do for these people and to help them make it I definitely would. I do my best to help people of all walks of life. Whether it be donating money or food to homeless shelters, animal shelters or talking to people about their goals and trying to help them make a plan to get to a point where they can be proud of themselves.
For those of you that don’t know I host a nightly radio show. When I listen to the radio I never really understood just what goes into a show. If you are distracted or have something on your mind it can make doing a show so difficult. You can never really give the show 100% of your concentration. Shows on Broadway have an understudy if the cast isn’t feeling well the understudy will step in. Some days I wish I could have an understudy to step in to allow me to write my thoughts and feelings down. But this is life and in life we don’t have understudies we just have to deal with out emotions in the best way that we can. I find a lot of comfort in writing. My head is clouded with a million thoughts and feelings. I don’t know what it is but putting my ideas, thoughts and feelings down here really helps. Maybe for you reading helps. Or maybe it’s singing what ever it is that makes you feel comfortable in yourself again I suggest you try and make time to do it everyday. I get it life is busy and sometimes you won’t find time to do it but do it as often as you can.
Thanks again for reading my rambles. To this day I have no idea how you make sense of my writing but I hope you find a moment of comfort in reading my life experiences.
Until next time.