Goodbye’s

Goodbye one of the hardest words you ever have to say, personally I don’t really like to say it I prefer to say tohdaloo. Goodbye becomes a whole lot harder when you have to say it to the one person that you thought you would never have to say it to. That one person who has always been there. The one person who has been your everything. That one person you’ve become so close with you literally can’t imagine your life without them. That one person you love so much they drive you crazy. That one person that for the past six months you’ve wanted to do the right thing but haven’t. That one person that says they would love you unconditionally but maybe didn’t this is that one person who you thought was your best friend. The person you would try speak freely and openly to but they just wouldn’t listen to what it was you were saying. That person that was so opinionated that your opinion didn’t matter. The person that made you so nervous you never could do the right thing. That one person that was destroying you on the inside when really all you ever wanted was their acceptance. You will never understand but I never intended to hurt you and I’m sorry that did. Two wrongs don’t make a right but in the end I was just calling out for help. You don’t want to know me and I don’t want to know you either and thats the bit that feels so weird you can just erase someone from you life as though they never existed. That’s not the way I was brought up. Compassions in my nature and tonight I can’t stand. I can’t stand the thought of you. I can’t stand the thought of what you think about me. I try to hold my head high but the truth is knowing that the one person that had my heart in its entirety hates me that much makes me feel sick. In a way I kind of don’t want anyone to read this because I don’t like people getting involved in my personal life but at the same time I just want to share how much it sucks to say goodbye to someone who means so much to you. Hindsight is a beautiful thing you said that yourself with your over confident smile and it hurt. It hurt because the lessons you taught me weren’t to different to your own actions. Your words were too far from your actions. My actions too far from my words and in the end there came a time when I realised we weren’t good for each other. It doesn’t make this any easier but I hold my head high when I say I miss what we had. Because every time it hurts I know I’m getting stronger. I know this is a process that takes time. I’m not as immature as you think. And I will use this to inspire other people. I will take my experience and apply it to my life. When you fall in love fall in love right. Don’t rush into anything. Be careful who you trust with your heart. I was thinking about love today and either way it just hurts in the end. When you realise your relationship can’t continue and you part ways it hurts, when you grow old and love each other till death do you part there is one part of that love left here on earth. Love is such a beautiful feeling but so horrible at the same time. It makes you so happy gives you so much joy but at the same time hurts so bad. I never want to feel the love again. You’ve changed my entire outlook on life and I will never settle for second best because once you’ve had the best it’s hard to go back. Those nights I’m feeling most alone I still imagine your embrace. I still imagine how amazing you made me feel and just wish I could have made you feel that way. I have been destroyed not by you it’s a selfish thing I’ve done myself. There always comes a time in life where you have to stand up and take responsibility for your actions. Just know this I loved you from the moment I lay eyes on you and I will continue to love you until the day I die. It’s your turn now. Go and fly.

<3 when all else fails remember to smile! 🙂

2 thoughts on “Goodbye’s

  1. Great blog. Always good to be able to vent in a public forum. I’m sure your ex is feeling hurt as well and understands why things ended up the way they did. Just don’t be to quick to jump to conclusions or end up judging him/her with assumptions. I went through a similar scenario and trust always was the barrier between us, unfortunately every step forward we took, we took 5 steps back and this played a huge part in our downfall. Doesn’t mean I erased them, stopped caring or thinking about them. Deep down I still love them, but it would have been unhealthy to continue on as stressed and broken as I was. Chin up though, a confident smile works wonders 😉 “Always fine”

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