Thoughts from 2.52AM

Wow it has been a minute since I have written anything like this but as I sit here at 2.52am after waking up for no reason at all maybe now is the time to get some thoughts down, and hopefully you can relate to some of the mishmash of emotion from the past 24 months. The last two years have been strange to say the least. Other words I would use to describe these times are difficult, unpredictable and just plain frustrating. Before you click away this post is less about Covid and more about the impact it’s had and how it feels to be a human in these times. Like you I am sick of talking about Covid I am sick of hearing about it. To be honest with you I don’t even want to type it. Let’s address the elephant in the room without talking directly about “it.”

I don’t know about you but the past 2 years feel like a blur. Normally there is a monumental moment or significant thing that is a marker in time. Whether it be an overseas trip, seeing a family member who is visiting from abroad or even getting together with your family on your birthday. These substantial events have been few and far between for the past 24 months and as a result it just feels a bit samey same. There is no real way to tell one day from another which for a lot of us is why we are feeling so tied. While in the grand scheme of things two years isn’t actually that long when you break it down to 104 weeks or 730 days or 17,532 hours it almost becomes manageable. However 2 years of overthinking. Two years of wondering if you will still have a job, if your business will be able to survive two years of planning holidays only for said holidays to be cancelled because your country or city is moving into another lockdown very quickly becomes tiresome on the mind.

Every new year comes with an abundance of hope. It comes with a deafening desire that the world will go back to normal, that these unprecedented times will return to being presidented times. Before you mock me yes I know presidented isn’t actually English but let’s just put it down to creative licence. I don’t know about you but I am finding it hard to focus on anything at the moment. With each email that arrives in my inbox there is an element of anxiety that washes over me. The thought of a routine freaks me out. The idea that I have to sit in an office with people for hours every day is something I simply can’t comprehend. What are we supposed to talk about? Will everyone just be talking about C**** is our office going to be a location of interest. For every action there is a 10 point negative mental reaction and as an optimist this is beginning to grind my soul away. For a lot of people in New Zealand (Auckland in particular) the past 2 weeks are the only sense of “normal” we have had since August last year. The return to work is the first time a lot of people have been in an office in 4 Months. It’s one thing getting used to setting your alarm at the right time so you can be at work on time, it’s another thing getting used to being around people again.

The biggest struggle right now is feeling like progress is being made and then all of a sudden the rug is ripped out from under us and you can’t help but feel like we are not moving anywhere at all. In a situation where it feels like you have no power it can be super difficult. We have gone from being able to freely roam the world at our leisure to not even being able to leave our neighbourhoods at times. Of course this feels foreign. It isn’t what we are used to and hopefully it isn’t something we will have to get used to. While life all feels a bit stressful right now try and find moments in everyday that give you simple pleasure. Whether that is going for a walk, eating your favourite meal or giving a friend a call and talking about anything under the sun that isn’t C****. It is important in times like these to allow ourselves to feel the emotions that we are feeling but also not to dwell too hard on the negative and find those positive situations and stories that in reality are all around us.

The thing I want you to take away from reading this is that it is ok to feel stressed. It is ok to not know what is going to happen next. While it would be nice to have some kind of timeline and know when things will properly return to normal the nature of the beast is that nobody knows and with that thought I find some comfort. We are all in this together. While these times feel isolating they also bring an opportunity. The opportunity to all work together and look after each other. Rather than taking the last roll of toilet paper in the supermarket think to yourself how much do I have at home, do I really need it? If the answer is no then leave it. Not everybody has the luxury of being able to bulk buy items on a whim. In hard times kindness goes a long way. Remember the roller coaster of emotion you have felt and try to show some compassion to the people around you it’s safe to say this hasn’t been an easy ride for anyone.

I want to say a massive thank you to all the people throughout this pandemic who have continued to risk their own safety and the safety of their families to keep this country going. From the frontline healthcare workers to the legends stocking the shelves in the supermarkets so we can all keep eating quite literally you are keeping the country running. To the teachers trying to keep the curriculum on track I take my hat off to you. School was hard enough to stay motivated in a classroom I can’t imagine how hard it is keeping 30 kids from opening a new tab and clicking into Youtube when they’re supposed to be reading. To the mums, dads, aunties, uncles and grandparents keeping the kids occupied at home, I don’t know how you have done it but you are doing an amazing job! Remember there’s nothing wrong with a bit of old fashioned bribery even when it’s sugar.

Next time you’re thinking how important it is to be kind to others, remember it’s just as important to be kind to yourself. It’s been a long road but we’ve come this far and together we will get through this. Hang in there. This for sure will be a story the future generations won’t believe.

Thanks for stopping by. Stay safe out there.
Much Love.
Cam

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